Two Years Gone but Never Forgotten

Two years ago, today, my heart broke. The light inside of me died a little.

I lost my grandmother.

I'm not sure how your grandparents are but mine are my world. My grandparents helped raise me. My grandparents are my rock.

I was so shaken by my grandmother's death that I shut myself off from the world. The only blog post I wrote that month had to do with strange airport sightings. A year later, it was still hard to put my feelings into words. I tried, and I came up with reasons to be grateful.

This year, it doesn't feel any different. It feels like she just passed away. It's not surprising to me that I woke up with a giant headache this morning. Bubba's health declined due to a massive stroke.

So far, I've lost 3/5 grandparents and I miss them all very differently. I could never call my Bubba and ask her for advice but I could call my Papa and voice my concerns to him. Bubba always called on Shabbat to wish us a Good Shabbos - Bubbie called to say 'hi' but not very often and it was usually when I could hear loneliness in her voice.

I miss them all but today, I miss Bubba the most. I've been trying to find a way to pay homage to her. I can't visit the cemetery (bad ju-ju for pregnant Jews), I'm too tired to cook a huge Shabbos meal (I have no idea how she did it week-after-week), and the only thing I can think of is to spend time with my husband and son. Our lives are about to get a lot more complicated in the next few weeks, so spending time as just the three of us seems like a good way to remember her.

Tell me Yoav doesn't look a bit like me!

Today, instead of being sad, I will, again, be grateful to Bubba and all she gave me in life and in death.