When Pregnancy Gets Real

I'm not going to lie - this week has been quite taxing. While it was awesome finding out that my kid is about 8lbs and he hasn't been born yet, it was annoying to sit in a doctor's office who could have cared less that I was a patient. Bedside manners ... not everyone has them.

I got to work yesterday and a coworker of mine was on the phone as I walked by. Normally this wouldn't be a big thing but as I was walking by, I stopped in tracks because I had a rather large contraction ... and he felt the need to tell the person he was on the phone with.

I wouldn't have cared except I was in a lot of pain, he was blocking the chairs, and he didn't ask if I was OK.

I'm used to being the butt of jokes now around the office. I usually get ahead of people who tell those jokes by saying I ate a hippo or I swallowed a watermelon, so that explains my size. Still, it takes me back to my first pregnancy when someone I thought was my friend decided to tell me I was as big as a house and no pregnant woman should look like me. Asshole. His words hurt. They probably hurt worse because he'll never know what it's like to feel like a whale. Some women feel beautiful when they're pregnant, I don't. So my emotions run high.

Still, yesterday was one hell of a day at the office. I won't get into the details because they don't matter but this is the first time in nearly a year I felt like I did when I worked in Israel. It was a shitty feeling. I felt subservient. I felt inadequate. And someone tried to make me feel stupid by using big words that made no sense. I hate being belittled. If you ever feel like belittling someone, leave me out of it. I won't respond well.

I may not understand what every person in my office does but if I have to explain their job to someone else, I WILL ask the person to explain what they do before I make an attempt to explain it to someone else. This courtesy isn't always extended to me. It's made worse when I'm the one that looks like the asshole because I have to correct those people and inform others that I don't, in fact, do "X". Hence why yesterday was just a shitty day.

Add in my contractions, my lack of sleep, my emotions and hormones running wild and you can understand why I wasn't super excited about my early-anniversary gift.

I feel badly for my husband, right now. I live in my own world and in my own head - it's dangerous in there and I feel horribly for him because he gets caught in the cross fire.

Can this kid come out already? I'm ready for him to show his cute little face. I'm ready for things to go back to normal. I'm ready to lose the baby weight. I'm ready for people to stop staring at me like my size hurts them when I'm the one carrying around a baby. I'm just ready.