Anyway, I had a REALLY REALLY REALLY long conversation with my friend T last night. She's a great distraction and also great at helping me piece out what's wrong in my brain. Last night's conversation was about how I don't feel the way I used to.
When I was 24, I could walk into a room and command attention... seriously just by walking in. My friends wanted my fashion advice (and other advice) and they wanted the latest workout tip.
Fast forward nearly six years later and no one is asking for my fashion advice, other advice, or for my workout tips. It's actually quite sad... for me. When T and I were talking about this, I mentioned how there aren't any self-help books for women like me... feeling slightly overweight, unattractive, and somewhat dead inside.
It's the truth. I feel a little dead inside. Is this normal for 30?
When we were discussing my issues, I mentioned how I want to write books for women like me. We're not depressed, we're not "fat", we're just disenchanted with what life has given us so far. So, she asked me the golden question - "what would you tell someone like yourself?" and I didn't have an answer. Seriously. Nothing. Nada. Zilch.
I work out, take the dogs out for 30 minute walks (which, if you've ever walked Sparky is more like a run with a pulling challenge), do some yoga, eat healthy (for the most part)... ya know, all the things your supposed to do but I can't seem to drop the weight.
Think of it this way, when it comes to food- I'd still rather eat a cucumber and red pepper than chocolate cake. My lunch for today:
- Salad with Qinoa, lettuce, red pepper, cucumber, bulgarian cheese, hard boiled egg, and kohlrabi.
- Barley soup with potato, carrots and onion
My breakfast is even MORE fun:
- Greek Yogurt with 3% fat and a tsp. of honey
Yeah. Eating is actually NOT the problem. Maybe my weight issue is really that I feel kinda dead inside.
Regardless, I'm only 5 days away from turning 30 and I feel worse inside than I did when I was 23 and dating assholes (Pardon my French). I have a lot to be thankful for - a husband who thinks I'm beautiful (inside and out)... who would and does bend over backwards for me; 2 amazing dogs who do back flips for my attention... ya know, until they see a bug and then all bets are off; a great family; great friends; a job... but I physically don't feel like myself.
So, there you have it, the ugly truth about me turning 30.
What advice do you have for me?
3 comments:
Hillary, sweetheart, you are not dead, you are an amazing living woman who charges people with positive energy. I saw you giving a lecture, you were all glowing. Because of you, I wrote a personal blog post and had guts to overcome my fear of exposing myself. You know, we all have "these" days, today is "this" day for me. What helps me cope with it is not self-help books but life-coaching forum I took. If you want to hear more about it, I will be glad to share with you. You are 30 and you are ALIVE! And this is great! Lotsa love, Aidai :*
Honey~Turning 30 is not old! You are just at the Peak in life~Enjoy it -)
I am you newest follower from the Tail Spin Hop!
You can find me here~
http://debshere.blogspot.com/
Thanks!
Deb
Thank you, Deb!!! I'm at yet another cross-road in my life. YAY.
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