Embracing My Geek Self

Since going back to work after giving birth, I've gone through a myriad of emotions. I'm happy to be back in the swing of things but SO sad not to be with Yoav every day. I mean, c'mon, look at this face:

Tell me I'm not cute...I dare you!

It's hard to be at work when all I want to do is spend time with that little face. He's growing SO quickly! But HE is not what this post is about. This post is about me and how I've gone from hearing bad voices to accepting my post-baby body and mindset.

I used to hear voices and they would tell me "you're not good enough" "you're so fat" "you're going to be a terrible mom". Ever heard those voices before? All I kept hearing was "you're not worthy of anything". Lately, my confidence has risen dramatically because I've been working on the recognition of my self-worth.

Yet, those voices were loud and clear up until earlier this month. What changed? I started taking care of me. I started doing little things like reading for enjoyment; polishing my nails when Yoav is asleep; and I even bought two new kick-ass pairs of shoes. They were little steps that made me feel more human. I realized that for 90% of the time I was home with Yoav, I lived in yoga pants and gym shoes because it was "easy" but, guess what: LIFE ISN'T EASY! It takes effort to live the life you want to live! Even Hollywood beauties don't wake up so beautiful in the morning - it takes work to make them look like they do.

But that's all physical. To me, feeling good on the inside is an active choice we make. You have two options when you wake up in the morning - scowl and be pissed off a the world or recognize that it's a new day and be happy. I choose to be happy. What do you choose? Just like the physical aspects of our lives, the internal feelings take work. You an make a choice to be happy but to find something resembling inner peace, it takes work. Here's what I do to help find my center:

• When I'm in the thick of it and nothing seems to go right - I take a moment to sit, close my eyes, breathe and say "this too shall pass". I don't always say it out loud but I DO say it.
• When I feel overwhelmed, I get up and take a short 5 minute break to do something else.
• When I'm feeling sluggish, I put on some upbeat Motown music and groove to the beat ... as I get stuff done. 
• When I'm feeling down on myself, I repeat this:

I embrace my dorkiness...do you?

Kvetching and Baby Gift Ideas

We're gearing up for the baby around here. It's insane! I've had several conversations with my sister this week (she's also pregnant!!) and she's given me insight into things I need vs. things I can do without. She told me that unless I want to do laundry every day (which I'm likely to do anyway), get something called a sheet saver. I googled it and it turns out, I can make one on my own. DIY is way more my style anyway. It's essentially a bathroom hand-towel or smaller bath towel that you place over the sheet to keep spit up  and accidents from spreading to the sheet. Oddly enough, about a month ago, my Mom told me about something similar she made when we were babies.

After talking with her, I spoke to my Dad about what we need vs. what we want. If you didn't already know this, things in Israel are EXPENSIVE! Holy cow! We have six bottles and two pacifiers. My Dad says that's not enough... we can always re-stock later, right?

Last night, I decided I needed to get out of the house. I'm kinda on bed rest... I say kinda because I'm allowed to do things and go places but I need to take it easy. I spend most of my day in bed playing with the iPad... so I let myself go to the grocery store. I noticed two things:

1. I have no patience for the grocery store. Too crowded. Too hot. Very annoying!!
2. 5 shopping bags should not come out to 250nis ($66) - sh*t's expensive here!!!

We noticed a "sale" - 2 "large" packages of diapers for 84NIS ($22)... that is hardly what I call a sale. Craig was ready to take advantage of the sale and stock up but you can't buy size 4 diapers for a baby that hasn't even come out yet!

Photo Courtesy of GiftBasketsPlus.com

Upon venting to a friend, she asked me a very interesting question "so, what do you recommend as a gift for a bris?" Here was my answer:

1. Gift cards - in America, you can get them to Toys R Us, Target, Walmart... anywhere that sells baby stuff. You can add it on as a "little something extra" or just get a bunch of people together and make it a large gift. In Israel, get a gift card from SuperPharm or NewPharm... or better yet, look into IsraCard, a WishUCard from CAL, or a LeumiCard from Bank Leumi. I think you can also pick up gift cards from Shufersal. I did a simple Google search and found quite a few sites that offer gift cards. I do not recommend gift cards to Golf, Shilav, or individual stores where you are limited on what you can buy.
2. DIY Baby Bath Kit - I'll tell you right now, this works VERY well in Israel and the US. It consists of baby shampoo, baby body wash, lotion, baby oil, some washcloths, a baby towel or two, and diaper creams. You can put a gift basket together for less than 200NIS ($50). If you're shopping in the US, use coupons. If you're shopping in Israel, find some gift kits that contain the shampoos, lotions, and washes - and break them up. 
3. DIY Mommy Relaxation Kit - giving birth is hard work (so I've been told), so don't forget about the Mom... she will often forget to take care of herself. A pampering kit containing lotions, a gift certificate for a manicure, and maybe even a Groupon deal for a night out with the hubby really helps her keep her sanity. Also keep in mind that we've been in maternity clothes for a long time... a gift card to H&M or another favorite store REALLY helps as we're transitioning back into fashionable post-maternity clothes. We're also less likely to spend money on ourselves right now, we'd rather spend it on baby-stuff.
4. Baby clothes - Sure, onesies are cute but babies also need socks, leggings, sleepers, and hats. We have 3 pairs of baby socks that will fit the baby for now... and many others that will fit him later. If you're going to buy baby clothes, remember that we get a lot of newborn clothes - so think in advance. Clothing for 3-6 months, 6-9 months, and 1 year are often overlooked. If you buy clothing for the baby that's intended for later months, make sure it's seasonally appropriate. If a baby is born in Winter, getting him a sweatshirt for 6 months-time is probably not the best idea.

Other ideas: baby formula (if the Mom isn't breastfeeding), pacifiers, baby carriers, bottles, bottle cleaners, play mats for the baby, baby bouncy-seats, and alcohol (for the parents). 

If you're buying for a friend who lives overseas, Etsy is AMAZING! You can buy one-of-a-kind baby clothes, blankets, carriers, and baby bath kits for reasonable prices... and they'll ship it to your friend!!

In truth, we'll take whatever you give us! I got so many amazing things at our baby shower and all of it will go to good use. As I packed my hospital bag last night, I had a hard time picking out an outfit for the baby to come home in because everything is TOO CUTE!! Decisions, decisions...

As we speak, I'm being reminded to make food for Craig so he doesn't starve for the 2.5 days I'm in the hospital and for the week after the baby is born. We're not having a public bris (sorry!) but we are encouraging our friends to come by and visit whenever they want! We'll likely need the company...

Meet Hormonal Hilly

It's been a while since I wrote something personal and perhaps a little meaningful. I've had writer's block for the last week and it's been driving me nuts. I'm usually really careful about what I post on the blog - certain family members don't like reading super-personal stuff but, today, they're gonna have to deal. My hormones are getting the best of me and I've been in a foul mood for the last few days.

Do you ever just know when you and your partner/friend/spouse are about to have a BIG fight? OK, I kind of feel like that now. Right now, I know I feel cold and distant - it's not my usual demeanor. Last weekend, Craig said something to me in an off-tone on the phone and it sent me into hysterics. Thanks, hormones, thanks. Last night I got upset because I was making latkes (I'm trying out new recipes for you!) and I asked him to peel the potatoes. By the time he was ready to peel them, I was almost done with them. The problem? He thought I was done peeling and I thought he ignored my request.

Ladies and gentleman, I'm 34 weeks pregnant and I spend a lot of time doing stuff I shouldn't be doing because it's easier for me to do them. Peeling potatoes is not one of them. I'm actually allergic to raw potatoes. Lucky me, right?

Anyway, normal Hilly wouldn't have batted an eyelash at any of this but hormonally charged Hilly is a different story. I wound up cleaning our bathroom (REALLY cleaning... although it doesn't look like it). I even de-crapped the shower-head (hot water and citric acid works wonders!!) - but I did all of this because I was in a crappy mood. I only clean when I'm in a bad mood... and when company is coming.

Anyway, I read a really great post yesterday about letting your anger flow and the importance of not holding it in. You can read the post here. I took my anger out on a shower-head and my bathroom sink. Do I feel better? No. This is how I know it's hormones.

My husband is an amazing person, so I really can't be mad at him for not peeling a potato or two... but tell that to my hormones. Craig's been great - even when he's stressing about school and work and the baby on the way...

So, what am I doing to deal with this situation? First, I'm acknowledging that this is ALL hormones. It's not an excuse but it's a start! Then I try to explain to the hubby that it's hormonally related - so tread lightly. When I need to cry, I cry. When I need to vent, I vent. When I need to let go of anger, I tap into myself and dig deep to recognize WHY I'm angry - then I do something like clean my room or bake something. Or I blog.

What do YOU do to relieve your anger and stress? I'm all ears!