Understanding My Bucket List

Yesterday, I posted my bucket list for 2014 and I got a lot of questions about that list and my post on Facebook. I posted a picture of me from 2007 and I basically stated that I missed this girl:

I miss this girl. I do. When my ex-boyfriend too this photo, I remember thinking "OMG, I look horrible and my boobs are HUGE!" but I look back at this 26 year old and wonder "where did she go?" I looked strong. I remember having a 'take no shit' attitude. I remember not caring about what other people thought of me. I was a 'take me or leave me' kind of person. I was equal parts Detroiter and Israeli.

I miss this girl, too. Aside from the fact that I was the thinnest I'll ever be in my life (mostly because I didn't eat ... I didn't really have money to eat) - I had no fear. I was living in a great place, had great friends, and learned the true meaning of 'family'. My friends were my family. When my credit card was stolen - they offered me money, food, and probably alcohol. When I was seemingly stranded in Netanya, they came to get me - then took me for pancakes because it was an 'emergency' situation. And when I was sick, they brought me soup and lifted my spirits. My actual family was just as awesome.

This girl didn't care if people didn't like her. She got along with most people but if someone didn't care for her - f*ck 'em. She had a good heart but didn't let things get to her. She was comfortable in her skin but less comfortable dating. She was a proud Israeli-American. She didn't hide herself and never made apologies. She may have accidentally insulted people but it was rarely held against her.


I'm not homesick. I just miss this person and I don't really like the person I turned into. While I'm still outspoken and loud, I keep my opinions to myself...sometimes. I'm not as blunt as I used to be and I find myself saying things like "I apologize for the stupidity of my question but I don't know how things work around here..." before asking a question. I used to just ask the question and not apologize for how dumb it might sound. I want to get back to the core of this girl - not so much the 26 year old me who was thin, tan, and often dressed like she just came back from hiking in India - but the young woman who was blunt, didn't mince words, never felt the need to apologize, and was proud of who she was.

So, the list was born. Yes, I want to lose weight - two pregnancies and two kids does wonders for my once size-4 physique. Being physically active and eating better will help that. I will also learn to shut my mouth a bit more so I can do a better job of listening. By becoming more physically active, I will likely include my kids and husband in those activities - which will give us better time to spend with each other. Lord knows I also need to disconnect...from electronic devices. Less time on the phone/iPad, more time playing  outside.

I will learn to be a better person and lead by example. One of the things I hate about American society is that you can't do anything 'nice' for people without them thinking you have an agenda. I just want to do nice things for people. I don't need them to do it back. I also want to get more active in the community that gave me so much.

Does that explain it?

Don't pity me. Don't feel badly for me. Learn from me and my mistakes. Make 2014 the year of YOU - fill your soul, do something you are passionate about, and love - just love. And don't feel badly if you have to be a bit selfish to accomplish your goals.

Happy New Year!