When Shabbat Can't Come Soon Enough...

After last week's barrage of posts, I decided to take a break from blogging for a few days. Sure, I started a few posts but none of them really screamed "put this on the Internet!" - so I didn't.

It's been a rough week at work - and at home. Since Ori started daycare, I barely sleep and eating a full meal is a rarity. You're probably thinking "you're crazy! You have all the time to eat and sleep while you're at home!" but I worker harder from home than I do from the office. I start my days as soon as I get home after dropping the kids off and I don't stop until, well, sometimes until I go to bed. That often means logging 13-14 billable hours. Is this how lawyers do it?

I'm not complaining about work - it pays the bills and keeps my kids fed. I'm just tired. I'm tired of so many things. I had two big doctor's appointments this week and, during one of them, I asked if it's worth mentioning to my GP that I seem to be stuck at 180lbs. Yes, I just revealed my true weight. I eat well (greasy foods and highly processed foods now make me feel extremely ill), I try to take the dogs for small walks during the day (no matter how gross I look), and I do squats and lunges while picking up kids clothes, trash cans, toys, and anything else that dropped to the floor.

I know, I know. Losing the weight after the baby is rough. It takes a while. Tell me something I don't know. But I'm not healthy. My blood pressure is really high, the dermatologist found an 'irregular' spot on my body this week, and I just feel icky all around. Still, I asked my OB if it was worth asking my GP and the answer I got was stuff I already knew: it takes time. But society tells me I should already be a size 6.

My friend Sarah wrote this great piece on Kveller about why she lets her kids see her naked. Her article hit home because I don't want my kids to have the same body issues I had growing up...or the ones I still have. Boys get body issues, too. I don't want them to inherit mine. Or Craig's. Yet, as vocal as I am about life, I'm envious of this girl. She tells it like it is. So does Sarah. She asked a big question the other day that revolved around the media and body issues. Her question coincided with the media uproar of Maria Kang's photo asking "what's your excuse?" We vilified Maria because she called us out on our bullshit. Don't like being fat? What's your excuse? Rather than take responsibility for eating a whole pie, we ripped Maria to shreds.

So, aside from having flashbacks to the show "The Big C", work was rough and I have tons of other shitty little things on my mind. Shabbat can't come soon enough - I want to wipe the slate clean and start a new week already. At least I get to play with these faces all weekend...