I had a REALLY horrifically emotional day yesterday. Have you ever known someone when they're descending into a downward spiral? Sometimes they're mean and they take it out on you, but other times they're blindly killing their relationships with others while destroying their life. Yesterday, I encountered both. My day started out really early and I was blindly attacked on a social network by someone who I thought was my friend. He attacked my weight.
Here's something fun to know about me: I'm still recovering from an eating disorder.
I'm 9 months pregnant and I hate the way I look. I won't look back at my pregnancy pictures and say "WOW, I looked amazing" because I don't think that I do.
 |
| OK, I mildly like this photo... |
Here's another thing you should know about me: I'm a Republican ... but I will always stand up for someone's civil rights. That includes someone's right to marry who they wish.
Anyway, I was attacked for the sheer fact that I vote Republican. Except, this year, voting Republican doesn't feel right. Neither does voting for Obama. Maybe I just won't vote.
Attacking my weight was the tip of the iceberg. Another friend, who has been in a downward spiral for a while, hasn't climbed out of it yet and is slowly killing relationships - it hurts to watch.
I take a lot of this to heart because I hate seeing people in pain.
Want to add insult to injury? As of today, I am on bed rest. My blood pressure was so high yesterday that the doctor wouldn't even tell me what it was. Our conversation went like this:
Doctor: Are you working now?
Me: Yes (giggle)
Doctor: So, you're not.
Me: I said I am working.
Doctor: No, from today, you are NOT working.
::crickets::
Mind you, my doctor is originally from Turkey and his English is accented well - so I can't always tell when he's kidding. Yet, he gave me my sick note and told me "bed rest means rest. You Americans don't really know what rest is - so rest." I laughed a bit, walked out, called Craig and then called my boss. It didn't sink in until about 30 minutes later and I nearly had a meltdown in the middle of Herzliya.
I'm quite sensitive lately - if you couldn't tell. I take things to heart and the last few days have been really rough. I'm not good at sitting on the sidelines and I actually hate sitting at home doing nothing. I'd actually rather be at work but I'm at home, trying not to drive myself crazy. My saving grace for today: Sparky the dog... although he took over my pillow and won't give it back!
5 comments:
I feel for you Hillary! You are a wonderful person. Don't listen to what some idiot says. I'm in the same process of "trimming the fat" when it comes to friends who are no longer friends. I think you're beautiful and I can't wait to see what your beautiful family turns into.
Hang in there!
No matter how you look or feel just know that your body is creating an incredible life (women are so lucky that it knows how to do this magic)
Take the time to rest now because you will be wishing you had it back soon and read everything you can- just for fun! If you need any help my MIL is retired and needs something to do ;) she loves to cook and clean and she can practice her English.
Have to say it, too- Hang. In. There.
I had high blood pressure with my first baby (I think mostly from stress...) and bed rest with the 2nd (he was almost 11 lbs) and I remember how hard, scary & frustrating it was... just keep feeling the feelings and rolling with the punches. You can do it :)!
It's always tough when someone is in "downward spiral" mode. As we speak, I'm dealing with a close family member who is going through the same. I can feel your pain and frustration... Lately, I've found writing about it to be so therapeutic... keep writing and sharing. We're all here to support :)
Take care. You're almost there!
Hillary, I am so proud of you for writing this post. You have now inspired me to go ahead with mine. You are a wonderful and sweet person who is beautiful inside and out. Thank you for being my friend!! I promise one day you will look back on those photos and feel beautiful:)
I love that you put your political affiliation. I'm a GOPer too, but its a rough road sometimes because I think its easier to be liberal in terms of palatability. But thanks for putting it out there, more Republicans need to do that!
You rock. And you are way cute when you're pregnant! I know how hard it is to believe people when they say things like that, but please try because from one disordered eater to another, its good for your soul. :-)
Post a Comment