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Friday, December 24, 2010

Still in High School?

Once upon a time, when I was far enough away from my high school years, a person I thought was my friend took something I said the wrong way and started a journey to destroy me. Needless to say, she lost but at the start of her journey she ranted to me that I don't have "real" friends - my only friends are on the internet.

At 24 years-young I stepped back and thought "she has a partial point." I had "real" friends - people I hung out with and friends who make an effort to interact with even though we may not be so close in proximity. I also had my internet friends - they were (and still are) people that I call on for advice or a pick me up (the same as I do my "real" friends) but they are also people who understand another side of my life that my "real" friends don't. I type out my thoughts and experiences. I type them out for the world to read. I don't hold back.

This is one of those not-holding-back moments.

I don't regret my decision to never speak to that "friend" ever again. I was also friends with her husband and lost him in the friendship "divorce". In hindsight, it's all good because I don't want to be friends with people who don't have my back when they know I'd have theirs.

Regardless, I spend most of my day on the internet making new connections and new internet friends. It's part of my job but it's an aspect of my job that I LOVE because I become friends with people I may not have been in contact with in real life. One thing that strikes me is I'm still that kid looking at the "cool kids" table while being stuck on the outside.

I feel like I'm still in high school when I was "known" but not "cool enough" to avoid being made fun of or told I don't quite have what it takes to be in their "group".

It's a weird realization.

The majority of the people I come in contact with are men and women with children who are usually married. I'm married but the only kids I have are of the four legged variety that shed hair through my apartment.

There's not many people like me out there that I can find - women trying to get pregnant but having a hard time. If there are, I can't find them. Most of my blogging buddies are either young single women or married women with kids.

I'm not in either realm.

Is there ever an end to the high school phase?

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